Publication
I GOT A TRAITORS CLAUDIA HAIR-DO AND NOW THE L ADIES LOVE ME !
UNLUCKY- IN- LOVE jobless labourer Kevin Forster is finally a hit with the ladies – after he got a Claudia Winkleman hair transplant. And it’s lesbian fans of the Traitors host who are going wild for 59- year- old Kev’s new locks. Kevin gasped: “The...
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I CHEATED ON HUBBY …SO HE HAD SEX WITH OUR CHICKEN DINNER
COLIN Venton took revenge when he found out his wife had cheated on him with his own brother – by having sex with a cooked chicken. He says he was so overcome with anger that he had no choice but to bonk the recently roasted bird, causing his former...
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KINKY CHURCH ORGANIST IS SECRET VICE GIRL
A CHURCH organist who was given the boot after being outed as a kinky dominatrix is now suing the vicar who fired her. Sara Harris, 52, had been playing along to hymns at St John the Evangelist Baptist Church for nine months when she was handed her...
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BUS STOP PERVERT CAUGHT WITH 37 SNAILS IN HIS UNDIES
COPS arresting a drunk after he caused a kerfuffle at a bus stop found he had 37 SNAILS in his underpants. Terry Williams, of Crewe, Cheshire, said he was keeping the gastropods warm after collecting them around the town. He’s now facing drunk and...
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SUNDAY SPORT EXCLUSIVE
THE tragic death of a Gordon Ramsay dwarf lookalike is being reinvestigated after his name appeared in the Epstein files. Cops believe Percy Foster, who was found partially eaten in a badger sett, may have been killed by a nefarious bunch of...
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SORRY, LOVE, I RAN OVER YOUR CAT
Because the 50- year- old ran over his date’s pet cat when he went to pick her up in his car before their romantic evening out. The council worker, from Crewe in Cheshire, had been over the moon when work colleague Heather Phillips, 47, finally agreed...
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RANDY MANDY VICAR DOES FUNERAL IN HIS Y-FRONTS
A VICAR has landed in hot water after conducting a beloved granny’s funeral wearing Peter Mandelson- style undies. The Rev Hugh Longton has been suspended from clerical duties and banned from his church – St Jude’s in Splint, Cumbria – after the...
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POSH SPICE BLOKE SIGNS FOR CELEBRITY TRAITORS
BBC bosses are set to shock Celebrity Traitors viewers by having a male Posh Spice impersonator on the next series. But those who know Alan Marshall, 61, from Crewe, Cheshire, warn that he is a vile monster – and once took a dump in a tradesman’s...
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U-TURN STARMER DWARF’S GIANT POO BLOCKED OUR U-BEND
A DWARF Keir Starmer lookalike is being evicted from his home after blocking his loo with a MASSIVE post- breakfast PLOP. Leakage from Terry Matthews’ lavvy caused £ 2,000- worth of damage to the flat in Northwich, Cheshire – and now the landlord...
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